Circus is Vulnerability
Someone once told me that safety is an emotion. Sure it’s not one of the five primary
emotions; but the more I think about it, the more I agree. Safety is relative. The same
with Circus. Sure, the concept of safety is more abstract and circus is tangible; but if
you think for a moment, safety creates a sense of security; an experience. Circus
creates an experience, full of laughter, awe, and freedom. In a time in my life I
decided safety was just a little to safe for me and I wanted to feel free.
I feel most free when I am creating. You see, Circus to me is an emotion that I feel
each time I feel the wind in my hair and I see the world upside down. When I am
most present in the current moment. It all begins with the song. In one way or
another I feel connect to the song, it elicits some sentiment. I begin imagining myself
moving in the air to it; where my body and the apparatus interpret my emotive
response and translate it to my audience. The song is my artistic catalyst. It is my
emotional map. I listen to it over and over, letting the timbre of the instruments
become alive in my mind. Each sound begins to have its own movement, the
composition begins to personify a dance. Certain lyrical phrases sound like spinning.
Crescendos embody drops.
The music shows me how it wants to be felt; how it wants to be seen. I am a tool to
communicate an emotion, evoke a memory, and create an experience for an audience.
My apparatus is my partner and the music is our guide. When I begin to move, it is just
me and my apparatus; an intimate encounter. Vulnerability allows me to connect with
myself, my body, and my partner so that I can manifest the emotion I am communicating
with the audience. Only through vulnerability and authentic connection can I use emotions
to harvest a relationship with my audience. I put my trust in them as I bare my shadows to
them; the parts of me that are soft, and shy, and sometimes still too intense. In turn,
they begin to trust me for being honest with them. Together, we cultivate an
unspoken rapport based on vulnerability, emotions, and trust. Circus is a place to
escape. Circus is an emotion; the opposite of safety. It is taboo, daring, sexy, and
laughter. And it all starts with a song.