Circus is Vulnerability

Someone once told me that safety is an emotion. Sure it’s not one of the five primary

emotions; but the more I think about it, the more I agree. Safety is relative. The same

with Circus. Sure, the concept of safety is more abstract and circus is tangible; but if

you think for a moment, safety creates a sense of security; an experience. Circus

creates an experience, full of laughter, awe, and freedom. In a time in my life I

decided safety was just a little to safe for me and I wanted to feel free.

I feel most free when I am creating. You see, Circus to me is an emotion that I feel

each time I feel the wind in my hair and I see the world upside down. When I am

most present in the current moment. It all begins with the song. In one way or

another I feel connect to the song, it elicits some sentiment. I begin imagining myself

moving in the air to it; where my body and the apparatus interpret my emotive

response and translate it to my audience. The song is my artistic catalyst. It is my

emotional map. I listen to it over and over, letting the timbre of the instruments

become alive in my mind. Each sound begins to have its own movement, the

composition begins to personify a dance. Certain lyrical phrases sound like spinning.

Crescendos embody drops.

The music shows me how it wants to be felt; how it wants to be seen. I am a tool to

communicate an emotion, evoke a memory, and create an experience for an audience.

My apparatus is my partner and the music is our guide. When I begin to move, it is just

me and my apparatus; an intimate encounter. Vulnerability allows me to connect with

myself, my body, and my partner so that I can manifest the emotion I am communicating

with the audience. Only through vulnerability and authentic connection can I use emotions

to harvest a relationship with my audience. I put my trust in them as I bare my shadows to

them; the parts of me that are soft, and shy, and sometimes still too intense. In turn,

they begin to trust me for being honest with them. Together, we cultivate an

unspoken rapport based on vulnerability, emotions, and trust. Circus is a place to

escape. Circus is an emotion; the opposite of safety. It is taboo, daring, sexy, and

laughter. And it all starts with a song.